noun
-the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others.
-the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others.
-a person or thing that exerts influence.
verb
(used with object)
-to exercise influence
on; affect; sway.-to move or impel (a person) to some action.
I’ve been thinking about influence lately. Who has influenced me, who I have an influence on. Reflecting about what has shaped me and the people who have helped mold me into the person I am. I’ve been asking myself what kind of influence do I want to have on others and who are the people who I believe God intends me to have influence with.
As much as we’re told in our culture that nobody can make us
feel something without our permission, the truth is, we are people who are
influenced. We are shaped and molded by our experiences, our interactions, our
relationships, our circumstances. We aren’t captive to those things, but we are
influenced.
I can look at my life and point to places and times that I
have allowed myself to receive poor influence from others as a result of not
knowing or believing that I deserved any better.
But I have also been graced with a several people who have
been positive influences in my life, those who have helped me form my thoughts,
beliefs, principles, and actions. Some of these people have played huge roles
in my life, while others may have been part of my life for just a brief season
or interaction.
When I think about people of influence, I think about Mr.
Dallas, my high school English teacher, who told us, kids in a rural mining
town, high in the Colorado mountains, stories about his time in the Peace Corps,
living in Greece and Turkey where they would cliff jump into the Aegean Sea. Mr.
Dallas’ stories turned my heart toward a world that was bigger than that little
town and I began to dream of life away from that place. One day, he looked me
in the eyes and said, “Sarah, you’re better than this,” meaning the smallness
of my high school perspective…that certain boy, that nowhere town, that kegger
I was going to that weekend…and something about the way he said it--you’re
better than this--I chose to believe him, going against everything I’d
previously believed about myself. So when he told me I should apply to this fancy,
schmancy liberal arts college in Chicago, I listened. And I thanked him a few
years later when I was traveling through Greece and Turkey myself as part of
that college’s study abroad program, experiencing a world I’d once only dreamed
of.
I think about my dad’s friend Joy, who was smart and sassy,
and one of the strongest women I ever met as a kid. Joy talked about everyone
having a “love tank” and, in our interactions, we could choose to either make a
deposit into someone’s love tank or a withdrawal. The way that Joy talked about
this, I felt inspired to be the kind of person who was more prone to making deposits.
When I think about influence, I think about Michael. I met
Michael right after I started going back to church in my early 20’s. I’d been
burned by the church and, I felt, by God. I had a deep ache in my soul that had
landed me back in church, but I was wary. I joined a small group, and Michael
was one of the leaders. He was a really cool guy, smart, and fun…but he also
was crazy about Jesus, and back in those times, I really did not think all that
could co-exist. But the more I hung out with Michael, the more I saw that he
was really sincere. He asked me great questions about who I was, he listened to
my story about where I had been, and he shared about who he had been before his
encounter with God. Michael proved to me that not all Christians were
judgmental, goody two shoes fakers. Michael gave me the hope I needed to take
the next step back to following Jesus.
I think about my friend Rachel, who I met for the first time
in the Phoenix airport as I was about to begin my Holy Yoga Instructor
training. The first thing I remember about her was her enormous smile, her bright,
shining eyes and the way she wrapped her arms around me in a hug as we met. She
was one of the teacher trainers and during her first class, my body became so
exhausted, I shamefully collapsed into child’s pose and had what felt like an
epic emotional collapse. You know, the kind of cry that involves a lot of snot
and choking while you try to breathe so that no one will notice how you are
crying. I was trying to figure out how I could slink out of the room of 60
other students and hitchhike the three hours back through the desert to the
Phoenix airport, when all of the sudden, I felt hands gently massaging my back,
while the voice of the teacher hovered above me. It was Rachel, who found it in
her to keep teaching the rest of the class who was still moving while she comforted
me and made sure I knew I had no need to go anywhere. As far as she was
concerned, I belonged right where I was. Rachel has influenced me to share the
idea that Holy Yoga is for anyone who wants it, regardless of their physical
strength or flexibility. It’s a place where you’re going to be loved and
accepted just as you are.
I think about my sister Hannah, who with a diagnosis of Down
Syndrome, lives a life of courage, passion, and adventure. Hannah likes almost
everybody, including (and especially) herself. Hannah has no need for pretense.
She loves a thrill and because of her influence, I once went on the Tower of
Terror at an amusement park with her, and for that experience, I may never
forgive her. :) Hannah teaches me about living honestly and with grace.
When I think about influence, I think about my writing
teacher Maureen, who hosts these great classes and workshops on creative writing
(find out more here). But Maureen often reminds us that, in her classes, it’s a
lot like the hokey pokey—you put your whole self in and shake it all about.
Maureen teaches us the mechanics of good writing, but also asks us to explore
our deepest selves to get to material. And as she does this prompting, she holds
a space for the stories that emerge, and we are somehow healed for having taken
part. Maureen has shown me what it means to hear people’s stories and to offer
acceptance and camaraderie in this thing of being alive and human together.
And I think about my husband. J has helped me rewrite the
book on what it means to love, to do relationship and family, to practice
honesty and forgiveness. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t hold grudges, who
looks for the best in people, who attributes positive intent to other’s
behavior. He doesn’t look for faults; he doesn’t even know how to be
suspicious. All of this is awesome to have in a person that you share a living
space, a bank account, and the responsibility of three little people with, by
the way. J is teaching me how to truly trust and love.
I could sit all day and tell you about Professor Eskilson,
who insisted we call her Arlene, and my wise and noble friend Julie, and about
the kids with special needs I used to work with, and so many others, and maybe
someday I will write all those stories, too.
But what I really want to do right here and now is to get
you thinking about your own stories, and who it is that has influenced you to
become the person you are. Who has shaped you for the better? What have they
taught you? How are you different because of their influence?
And then, after we’ve looked at how we’ve been influenced, we can begin to look at the kind of influence we want to be for others. For
me, I want to encourage dreams, like Mr. Dallas. I want to fill people up, like
Joy. I want to be authentic in my faith, like Michael. I want to accept people
as they are, like Rachel. I want to seek adventure and love myself, like
Hannah. I want to hold people’s stories with respect and tenderness, like
Maureen. I want to love without reservation, like J.
And I want to hear about you…the people who have influenced
you and the kind of influence that you want to be on the people around you.
Because I’m coming to believe that if we take this idea of influence seriously,
we’re going to make the world a better place and we’re going to be telling good
stories with our lives. You have the opportunity to be the somebody who made a
big difference for someone else. So, please, join me in this pursuit of
influence. I can’t wait to hear your stories.
Inspired by your heart to be revealed on the written page. You my friend are my "iron friend." "As iron sharpens iron,so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17 NLT
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